no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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