he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
