I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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