what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
