Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
