I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
