I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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