You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
