Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
