East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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