Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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