I wish i was in the wii world.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
