Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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