worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
