he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
