I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my shit smells like andre
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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