he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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