oh god the rape fog is back!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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