I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
