Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
