five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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