Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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