OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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