youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
