The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
