I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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