I wish my penis had an off switch
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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