i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
