I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
