No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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