I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
