3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
