I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize