Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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