My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
