it wasn't lemon gatorade
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
