I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
