the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
