I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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