i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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