we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
