So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
