You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
