a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
