flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
