do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you traded sex for a burrito?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
