The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
