I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
