How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
