To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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