don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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