Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude i'm inner monologue high
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
