I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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