my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
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The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
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Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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