Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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