I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
