I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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