if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
