I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
