i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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