it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
dude. I can hear the air.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
