How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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