What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
