Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
