The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
