Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she told me i tasted like america
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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