I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize