Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
