Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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