seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
