it hurts more in the daytime
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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