I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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