Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
