I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
