They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
